Reprieve

There is an altar that I laid my carefully constructed future upon. As we all are, I found myself lost, embodying worry and being carried away by a mind constant with noise. What came of all of this directionless energy was a desire to move out of my comfort-zone. This piece was the first time I had formulated composition, color and size to impact the overall effect. It was very uncomfortable.

An ever present awareness of time, and my place in it had caused so much stress it changed the structure of my face.

I was seeing new fault lines every day.

The motion of the subject’s body reflected the deep-seated feelings that grew in my chest daily. I was undergoing a shift that I wasn’t aware of. My actions didn’t align with my intentions and those feelings were creating a storm that was slowly eroding me.

I fell victim to my own circumstance, numbly keeping up appearances, all the while losing myself inside of my own mind.

Keeping up on appearances works, until it doesn’t.

Life was demanding that I change, that I grow.

I had better things waiting for me.

It’s said that the penance for your old life will be your new one. More than once it has been a price I’ve paid.

Pain is incurred every time, but then, look at what exists.

Through my art, I continue to explore my capacity to soften, to learn, to be superior to my former self. Watercolor was the clear option for medium. It’s temperamental, it misbehaves, wanders to places you hardly ever want it to, and it is not easily controlled. If used correctly, watercolors can have a beautiful and profound effect. They flow beautifully. There is an intense motion that refuses to be ignored in the paint once the water is introduced.

What a perfect metaphor. 

Emerging from all that darkness to discover a colorful, bright, and hopeful world. Both exist, simultaneously. The violent and dark of everything and a diverse, energetic and loving energy that uplifts. You just have to work harder to find the uplifting energy. Finishing this piece, I emerged from that dark place to a new chapter of life.

I am incredibly thankful I persevered.

Can’t Kill Love,

K